just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
