I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's blow job season.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
