I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
