I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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