he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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