So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
