I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
