and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
