Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Quick, to the slutcave!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
