He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
