so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
