I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
