Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
