Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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