you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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