I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize