i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
