i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
