So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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