why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
