Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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