one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
