at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
