I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
