You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
