farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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