is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
