mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
