Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize