Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
