I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
