Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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