good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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