Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
