Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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