Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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