Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
