Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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