I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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