People in love make me want to vomit
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So much rum. So many feels.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
