i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
