So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
a search helicopter?!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize