i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
