You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
