Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
