My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
and she was petting her beer can
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I currently don't understand fingers.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
