dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
