U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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