It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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