Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Randomize
