Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
