dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize