Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We are all done wearing pants today
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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