lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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