Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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