how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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