someone threw a dead crab at me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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