My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
