She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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