I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
