I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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