i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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