It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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