Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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