4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
