Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
