The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up under a house in Key West
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
