He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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