My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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