from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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