Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Are my feet made of real feet?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
