i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
