evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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