You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
