A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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